LEARNING TO TRUST GOD - The Marita Laich Story
LEARNING TO TRUST GOD by Marita Laich
Learning to Trust God
In 1987, I met my second husband through "Parents without Partners." We became friends over a five year period. I continued to rely on God through daily Mass, prayer, and writing to God on a very personal level. I was still not sure how good God can be, but I continued trying to do God's best in my life and with my relationship with my husband. As I stumbled and fell, God was always there waiting to pick me up again ... and again.
Learning to Trust God
In 1987, I met my second husband through "Parents without Partners." We became friends over a five year period. I continued to rely on God through daily Mass, prayer, and writing to God on a very personal level. I was still not sure how good God can be, but I continued trying to do God's best in my life and with my relationship with my husband. As I stumbled and fell, God was always there waiting to pick me up again ... and again.
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In 1991 Ed and I were married on December 28th, little did I know what God had in store for me. On January 2, 1992, my husband was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea. He would stop breathing 154 times in an eight hour period. The doctor was certain that Ed could die from this. So we immediately purchased a C-Pap machine (after fighting the insurance company to pay for it). I thanked God for His intervention.
Then in April of that same year, we went to Baltimore to visit Ed's daughter and family for a week. Throughout the week, my husband suffered from vomiting and a devastating headache. He suffered through instead of seeking medical treatment. We returned home that Sunday. My husband went to bed early knowing that he had to go to Washington DC the next morning. It never happened. Instead my husband was unable to get out of bed that morning. I immediately called the Sleep Apnea doctor for help, knowing that my husband was in serious trouble. The doctor said to take him to the Emergency Room as soon as possible and that he'd meet us there. My husband didn't argue with me at that point.
When we arrived they took us right in and admitted Ed immediately. They did a lot of tests and removed 30 pounds of fluid from his body. My husband was discharged twelve days later. We made an appointment with the kidney doctor and saw him at his office to hear the devastating news. He looked at both of us and said, "Mr. Rash, you have 25% left of your kidney function. Within nine months, you will be on dialysis."
As I listened, tears rolled down my face. I said to myself, "0h God, Why!?" The devastation for me was overwhelming at the time. My husband showed no emotions at all. Then we left the office and headed for home. Neither one of us knew what to say ... we drove home in silence. As I drove and thought, I started getting very angry at God, saying, "How could you do this to me!? Haven't I suffered enough over the years!? ..Why me God?" In my selfishness, I wasn't even thinking about my husband, only "poor me." I even had serious thoughts of leaving Ed, being so overwhelmed at the time ... but God reminded me of how my first husband had abandoned me because I was diagnosed with mental illness. His words were, "If you had diabetes or cancer, I would have stayed with you, but you have this." And then God strongly reminded me of our marriage vows ..."In sickness and in health till death do us part." So, my only choice was to stay and continue to rely more and more on God each day.
Ed and I were only married six short years, although it seemed an eternity to me. God showed me so much in so many different ways through it all. When I look back over those most difficult trials for my husband and me both, I can only say that I prayed enough for both of us. Ed's diagnosis were as follows: Sleep Apnea, 25% kidney function, uncontrollable blood sugars (ranging from 11-1,578), peritoneal dialysis for 3 years 4 times a day 365 days of the year with no breaks in between. My husband continued to work until he finally received this transplant three years later in 1995. He would have brief periods of Hemo dialysis, also.
The transplant day finally came! Ed received a combination Kidney/ Pancreas. Ed waited so long ... and ended up losing the new pancreas due to negligence on the part of the medical professionals. After that Ed took 30 pills a day and was on an insulin pump for the rest of his life. Over the next three years of his life, we continued to experience even more loss and complications. I can say only that... God was humbling me. He was continually teaching me how to love even in the worst circumstances and most of all, never quit. When I was at my worst, those first words He impressed on and within my mind and heart would come flooding in, "I will hold you in the palm of my hand". Those words gave me the strength and courage to persevere and go on.
God Carried Me
In early November 1997, there was yet another devastating experience. It was a Thursday evening. I had been sent home from work to get changed because of a bleeding problem that left noticeable marks on my clothes. So I came home around 7:30pm. As I pulled up to our condo, I immediately became concerned that all the lights were on. I rushed in to see what was wrong. As I entered, there was no one in sight. So I walked down the hallway only to notice that all the doors were closed, even the bedroom door. There was no sign of our dog Pepper. I then opened the door to the bedroom only to find a very surprised look on my husband's face as he was putting on a pair of shorts. I started to grab for the bathroom door handle, my husband said, "Don't go in there. There's a woman in there. She was lost and needed to use the bathroom".
I waited anxiously for this woman to come out. The woman was tall, blonde, and wearing a black suit she walked sideways to avoid looking me in the face, but I saw hers. This woman went to the sofa where her coat was neatly laid over the back. She put her coat on, never uttered a word and left. All I can say is I was in shock at the time, not wanting to believe what had just happened.
Later that week my brother Mark and I went to see my psychiatrist. I told him what had transpired that night. The doctor highly insisted that I leave my home immediately, so I first stopped to tell my family, as humiliating as it was. I cried even more as this became a reality to me. I separated physically but not emotionally from my husband. Prior to this, I vividly remember on numerous occasions literally crying out to God, begging and pleading with Him to change our situation … “I sought the Lord and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears”. Psalm 34:4.
My emotions were running very high at this time so I continued to see my doctor on a regular basis, along with a Christian counselor whom I had been seeing on a weekly basis as well. These two men stood by me through it all. They looked, listened, and learned through God’s wisdom and knowledge how to guide me through yet another most difficult trial in my life. They gave me encouragement, support, and most of all showed me God’s unending love for me and my husband too. I searched for twelve years to find these Godly men, it was certainly worth the wait. I met them in September of 1997.
“They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
On Thursday, October 1st my husband called and asked if I would come over that day so I did. He sat me down and asked me to forgive him for everything he had ever done to me, with that he genuinely hugged me. Right then and there at that very moment God changed my heart. I loved him more than ever before.
That following Saturday morning as I sat reading my bible and writing to God, I felt a tug on my heart around 8:30 am to call my husband, so I did. I asked how he was doing, and he said he wasn’t feeling very well. “I hadn’t taken my medications and I have chest pain down my arm and across my chest, “Ed confided. I knew the visiting nurse was coming, so I said, “call and talk to her.” I assured him that I would be here if he needed me to take him to the hospital.
In brief summary, my husband had major surgery that afternoon. I stayed the night right by his side. When morning came, I looked at him and said, "We're best friends, right!"... as the tears ran down my face. He listened, 1 continued with "I love you! Ya Know!" My husband looked at me as the tears fell from the sides of his eyes as he mouthed to me, "I love you, too."
"Friendships flourish at the fountain of forgiveness."
William A. Ward "But be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges." Colossians 3: 13 (TLB)
On the morning of October 19th, 1998 I felt a tug on my heart at home at 5:30am, but for whatever reason I didn't go. When I arrived at 7am the nurse ran to me and said that the Respiratory Therapist forgot to tell us that your husband said, "Call my wife ... I've had enough." When 1 arrived in the room, my husband was unconscious and very near death. 1 bent down and kissed him for the last time and whispered in his ear, "I love you, and 1 will see you again one day.' He died at 10:30 that morning.
Through these experiences, as well as others that I haven’t even touched on, along with my brother Richard, I was humbled and learned how to love unconditionally. Richard doesn't walk or talk. After my husband died, the Lord impressed him heavily on my heart to go and visit on a weekly basis. So each time I visited my Richard I would see my brother with a beet red face, the left side of his neck would protrude, he would take off his left shoe and sock and pound his foot on the pedal for dear life. Along with gripping the left side of the wheel chair and would buck the wheel chair in his efforts to flip it over. My visits would last only about 20 -30 minutes at best. Then I would get someone to take him back upstairs. I would leave there with tears in my eyes and when I got into my car, I would cry out to God in such desperation, "0h God, please tell me what’s wrong with my Richard!"
It took a year and a half with continuous prayer, reading His word, and my unending conversation with God. He started by opening windows, then doors, and eventually God revealed to me that my Richard was being physically and sexually abused along with medical neglect in this facility. God did a mighty work through me and others to get him out in record time. I called the office of Mental Retardation to get him out. They put him on an emergency list for a year or two years to get him out. God got my Richard out in three months. My brother Richard is in a better place now, and he is safe.
To handle yourself use your head; to handle others use your heart. "But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." (Timothy 1: 5)